Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Even Tougher Than I Thought...

First of all, thank you to everyone who emailed me or posted on this site- your words of encouragement are so beautiful and appreciated. It is so much easier to honor my committment when it is not only to myself but a committment I have made to you. Hmmm... perhaps easier is not the right word... I have not had the experience of any part of this being easy so far!

The time spent on the first song has been a nausiating collage of joy, frustration, and fear. I said I wanted to look the inner critic dead in the eye and sure enough we have been locked in a staring contest since day one. The voices in my head keep saying "at least the first has to be good, the rest can be crap but the first one HAS to be GOOD!". I keep thinking of who it is I have emailed about this committment and who is listening and who will like this line or that line or this style or that chord... I have wanted to delete this song so many times... I keep saying "this song is weird Jordan- no one's going to like it" and "why write 52 songs? what the hell is the point? you arent even trying to play shows anymore, or make a career out of this, why spend hours upon hours every week writing music that isnt even that good!!" The bottom line is this: my normal way of being would be to delete this song and never show it to anyone, in fact since I only wrote 3 songs last year, the math says that I will only be happy with 6% of the music I write this year... and yet I will be sharing 100% which means that 94% of the music I post here is music I would rather not share. But this is about honesty and this is about treating this life as the real deal, not a dress rehearal.

Anyways- I am almost done the first song and will have it recorded and posted on Sunday. It was not made to please anyone... it came out and I pressed record.

Listen to me haha so scared of disappointing anyone that I will try and convince you that the songs is crap even before I am done writing just so you wont get your hopes up... us humans are strange animals.

Love. Love. Love.
J

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