Monday, May 2, 2011

Freedom from the Freedom-mobile

There will be no song this week! The Song-A-Week Project has been put on hold indefinitely.

It has been almost 4 months that we have given ourselves generously to this project, those 4 months have been enlightening, ridiculously “productive”, and dangerously stressful. Though this project has given so much to me it has been absolutely gluttonous in what it has taken away. In these past four months I have come to know anxiety as a presence that is as constant as my own shadow but it was something that two of the people closest to me pointed out that really shook me out of my stress-induced coma. My wife, knowing me for almost 11 years as a laid back, grounded, playful and stress-free individual pointed out that anxiety had finally become part of my identity, she could see the anxiety, not only sitting in the cockpit with me but having commandeered the plane. Evan, my friend and fellow Screamer, reminded me of a time when we spent the majority of our days afloat, drifting between the garden and the piano, and what happiness and richness was present during these times. I was surprised by how foreign and distant this memory felt. In addition, whether it be a result of this project alone or the combination of crazy that I have filled my schedule with these days, the effect of this anxiety and overwhelm has started to manifest itself in my physical health... and that kind of scares the shit out of me. So enough! It is time to once again free myself from another cage I have built and climbed inside of... the irony here is that this cage was fashioned to look like a get-away car parked outside a prison and although this get-away car certainly took us miles away from the prison, it sailed down the street at dizzying speeds with doors welded shut. Freedom from the freedom-mobile.

There is no possible way that I can walk away from this project without honouring, and applauding all that it has produced. As I have said before, last year at this time it was taking me an average of 4 months to complete a single song and in the last 4 months we have created 16 songs. This was not a transient experience to be learned and lost, something has shifted, and although I may never again force myself to complete a song within a single week... it may just happen anyways. I have come to know my inner-critic intimately and I am certain that we will be walking the path of creativity together for as long as I live, however, it has become quite easy to distinguish his voice from my own and for a voice that will never likely go away, distinguishing a separation is as much as anyone can hope for. In the end there could have been no better way to quickly inject an intense level of music into my life than through a project such as this... Evan and I have a band now, The Screaming Room, we have a whole album’s worth of music to build from and perform- this is not how life would have gone had we not taken the stance that we did. Rather than tossing pebbles in the lake and allowing the rings and ripples to subtly effect our existence, we threw a boulder in, and although we were caught in the wave that was created, our lives will never the same.

This crew of CAWmuners have spoken many times about what allowed such a boisterous and lofty commitment to remain intact for four long months, and without fail it always comes back to you. The act of giving one’s word to the people we loves is indeed the framework for remaining steadfast to one’s commitments. So thank you to all of you for listening, for being a part of this project, your roll was as necessary as our own.

As far as The Screaming Room goes, I can assure you that you have not heard the last of us. We’ll get a website going here shortly and continue to post all the creations that arise organically and for those on the Island... look for The Screaming Room at your local Coffee Shop Jam.

Love. Love. Love.

Jordan

2 comments:

  1. Jordan. I am so proud of you. I know what it took for you to take a stand for your well-being. You are a man of your word and as such you often eat yourself up in an effort to hold onto something you said. Life can only be lived in the moment. Remember our favorite little white covered book... "Right Action naturally follows when our only intention is to be awake and present, and when we are free of a sense of self." I perceive your new committment an act of being awake... of mindfulness. Welcome back. I've missed your shining eyes. Loving you forever, Michelle

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  2. This beauty of an album is available as a free download? Thank you for reaffirming that the best things in life really are free! Wishing you continued creative progress and much peace.

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